I love my friends, I really do. I like to keep them around even though they tend to be bossy, controlling bitches, but I choose to have them in my life and occasionally, I do like to hang out with them when they can retract their claws for one effing night.
I have one friend in particular whom I have been at war with. I am normally laid back and ignore bad behavior against me and other people because I pick my battles carefully. And usually what ever she is doing, I ignore. Recently, oh I would say about six months ago or so when I was going through a horrible break up, I realized that I couldn’t turn to my friend anymore. When I thought back over the years, I never could really turn to her. What ever situation I was in, she was going through something worse and “needed” me to be there for her and I would have to put whatever I was going through on the back burner and then she would brush it off later that it was “no big deal”. Since I can handle my own shit and I don’t “need” a friend (and if I do I call my bff in the whole world) it never bothered me. I could just brush it off and move on because I knew she was more needy than I was.
When I went through the horrible breakup (every painful step was all blogged, that was my friend through most of it… and my bff in the whole world) and I would turn to my friend, she wasn’t there. Physically or emotionally. Told me mean things that a “BFF” isn’t supposed to tell her “Best Friend”. Even if it is true, never tell the Best Friend that I was only a “play thing and he never loved me and I make shit up in my head,” I mean, let me cry and talk it out and generally be there for me as I was there for her through every single break up she ever had in her whole entire life. Gawd. I didn’t think I was asking too much, but apparently I was.
Since then, I have been a Bitch. I have not put up with her bad behavior and treating me like shit and trying to boss me around. I am done with being her punching bag. Calling me names even though she says she is just joking around, saying that I am “dumb, stupid, etc” over and over are hurtful. And if she wants pet names for her friends, why doesn’t she use friendly ones? I decided to give the attitude she gives me, right back to her. Needless to say, it has not gone over to well. All she sees is me being mean and a bitch to her.
I am tired of bending over backwards for people and get nothing in return. A friendship is a two way street and constantly going down a one way street is tiring. Sometimes I have to be picked up by my friends too. Back to the issue at hand. I decided to give her the same attitude and not bend over backwards for her and work around her schedule and not be her fucking personal puppet. Make her meet me half way a bit.
Wow. That was probably one of the dumbest ideas I have had in a long time. Now, after being called a “Cunt” (I guess that is how she sees herself??) we are not talking anymore. I don’t know if she reads this blog, but I am sad to see the friendship go. I am sad that she can not be my friend like I try to be her friend, but at the point in my life… moving in with the boyfriend, making new friends, settling down with the boyfriend… I am not able to give her my undivided attention. She can take off at any given moment with her flavor of the week and its allowed, but when I do it, I am crawling up his ass and negativity comes from her mouth of how I abandon her and she would think her best friend would treat her better.
I am sad to lose a friendship. I just simply can not bow down to her many demands. If she met me half way and wasn’t such a raging bitch most of the time, I would hang out and have “Girls Night” with her. I don’t have the patience to deal with the constant “me me me me” attitude right now. Especially since, yeah I said it, I have a BOYFRIEND to tend to. I haven’t even had the chance to tell her how great it is to be with someone new and all the funny shit we do together because she is too wrapped up in her own life. Which is just as well considering that I don’t talk about my relationship to anyone. I don’t want to hear negativity so I keep my mouth shut.
Ooops, went off topic. Anyway, I think I have a dead friendship for now. Unless she can learn to be my friend as much as I try to be her friend and not be so fucking mean to me, boss me around, pout if she doesn’t get her way or call me names and just be nice for one god damned day. I want her to treat me the way I have treated her. Except for recently. Ha Ha. I have been treating her the way she treats me and that went over like a bucket of shit. Before that though. Until then… my friendship is dead.