I went to the bar the other night, Saturday to be exact, to meet up with some friends. The whole text message thing had just happened and I was still pretty ticked off. Who wouldn’t be really? I showed up at midnight, alone, and ran into an old friend from middle school! Talk about a time warp. She looked amazing and we had a nice chat while I was there. She was plastered and didn’t understand why I was drinking water… at a bar… but sometimes its a must when I am driving. Not sometimes, it is always a must. Cramps my good time, but oh well. Anyway, I was still hurt and upset because he… he needs a name. A good nickname because I don’t want to call him by his real name. Flounder shall work. No reference to Little Mermaid, it just popped in my head. He looks nothing or behaves nothing like that little fishy. So, I was still royally pissed off at Flounder for betraying my trust, but I put it on a back burner (kinda like where I was put!!) and went out. One of Keri’s drunk friends, I think he was a friend, told me I had a pretty smile. He just stared at me and told me that my smile lights up my whole face. I damn near started to cry. Stupid Flounder HAD my smile and loved it. I felt uncomfortable having another guy tell me I was pretty. It felt wrong, because my heart was tied to Flounder. I felt as though I was doing something wrong, when all I did was smile and say thank you. I did not, smile back and tell him that he was pretty hot himself, I did not exchange phone numbers with him, I did not tell him stuff that would be considered inappropriate, I did not stoop to Flounder’s level and treat him like garbage the way he treated me. Huh. Maybe I should have done that. Nah, two wrongs do not make a right.
I didn’t want to tell anyone we were talking and attempting to see if we could be friends or even thinking long term. Subconciously I knew that it was going to fail I think. I wanted it kept quiet because when he fucked up again, no one would tell me “I told you so.” Come to find out he was fucking up before we even had our fight. Way before our fight. I suppose he needed to feel like a “man” and think females wanted him. Well buddy, you are free now!! You can go have any gal you want. You want to send sexy messages to other girls, or see your exes or talk to other girls all the time? You are free. Have at it. No other girl will be like me. hahaha, no not really, but I thought that would be funny to include.
Welp. Looks like this blog is going to be the one that I yell at. Might as well. My life isn’t always cheerful and rosy. Especially when idiots come in and take my heart just to stomp on it and stab it with a pitchfork, spit on it, throw it in the middle of the highway and allow a semi to run it over, pick it up and feed it to a hawk. But, he is sorry and wants it to work. He wants to prove that he is sorry. Last time he said that he was sending dirty text messages to a girl. How would he prove it this time? Give me AIDS? Huh, writing that out really puts things in perspective. Baby, I love you so much that I had to make you sick and die. No thank you.
I have to find a kitty. I decided to leave our cat with Flounder because I do not want to give him any reason to be able to hurt me again nor do I want to see him any time soon. The hurt is cut so deep that I don’t know how and when I will trust another person. Not any time soon anyway, and I am the Trust Queen. I trust strangers on the sidewalk that they will not harm me. I do not want to give him any reason to contact me. He earned this, I did nothing wrong and to have him treat me so bad. Luckily, I do not want to get anything pierced. Whew. I just want to hide and heal. With a new kitty that has no memories attached. No memories… not until I heal from this bastard behavior.
New theme song! Been listening to it on repeat and it makes me feel good. As if I am strong and I can handle this and I will be fine at the end of this stupid path I am on.