For as much as I love people and going out and being social, I am a solitary person. I like to be alone and have my “down time”.
Last Saturday I moved into my very first apartment all by myself. I have lived in quite a few apartments over the years but always with a few roommates or a significant other. This time, I am completely alone, and I LOVE it.
At first it was kinda weird, coming home to a silent dwelling. I didn’t have any cups or plates or anything and have slowly been stealing stuff from my mom. A cheese grater, one fork, spoon, butter and steak knife. I realized I could not survive without the basic stuff of a kitchen. Last night I went out and bought plates. A full set! I now have bowls, plates and salad plates and they all match! My glasses match, and my silver wear kinda does. I realized how much I don’t have, but that will come in time. When cash comes in.
I felt kinda awkward at first, looking around and realizing that this tiny area is all mine. No one can tell me anything. If I forget to take out my laundry, I won’t find it thrown all over my room, unlike the neat pile I put on other people’s beds when they leave their laundry. I won’t walk into the apartment with the strong smell of bleach or other cleaners because all my cleaners are scent free and won’t give me a headache (already tested them out and no smell!) I can shower with the door open, fall asleep with a light on or leave dishes in the sink. No one is going to tell me not to do something. I can cook whatever I want, buy whatever food I chose and I won’t worry about someone either eating it or throwing it away.
Needless to say, i got used to all this pretty damn quick. I love this sense of freedom of I can do whatever I want. I can live and decorate and put stuff anywhere and no one will tell me otherwise. If I chose to drink a bottle of wine alone, no one will judge me. I can have whoever I want over without the repercussions of ticking off someone else. I can use all the hot water and not worry about anyone. I can record my silly programs and no one is going to delete them off the DVR.
I am feeling very selfish right now and I love it! I am always trying to please everyone around me and it feels nice to actually only please myself. I only have to worry about what I do. Naturally, I don’t worry what I do because, well, I just don’t. The only thing that sucks if I have to suffer with paying all the bills alone with no help. However, I would rather be broke as heck than share my space right now. It feels so good to be alone.
I have been wanting this freedom for quite some time. Life always gets in the way and I don’t go after what I truly desire, but now, I have the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do. Live alone. Its so amazing on so many different levels. I don’t know why I never did this before. Perhaps in the future I might want to live with someone again, but as of right now, I am in love with my new freedom and solitary life style. Its not like I actually do anything, with my freedom. I go to work, come home, take a nap and then do homework and start all over again the next day. To know that I am coming home to no demands, except the ones I put on myself is simply the best feeling. In the whole wide world.
Now, I just have to actually furnish the apartment. By the time I am done, it will look like a rainbow threw up in here. No one can tell me no! **Evil Laugh**