Children are the Devil. Oops, I mean, kids are….

Kids. Children. Rug Rats. Noise Makers. Money Spenders. Small People Who Are Loud and Annoying.

I have established in previous posts that I am single. With this lovely singleness, I have made the choice not to create whining, sniveling, loud offspring. I have freedom that I don’t ever want to trade. I can go to the grocery store without having someone nag me and ask if they can have this, that and if they don’t get it, I don’t have to worry about meltdown temper tantrums. Or threatening, “Don’t make me call your father…” because realistically that father would be not in the picture (given some of my ex boyfriends…).

Since I chose not to have kids and live a relatively peaceful and serene lifestyle, I don’t feel its necessary for me to deal with other children. And this comes in the form of:

  • Grocery shopping: This is already a chore to begin with. What do I want to eat…? In the process of trying to figure out what I might want to eat a week from now, I don’t really want to have kids running full speed into my cart, being stared down by their parents when I make annoyed noises about said kids, listening to temper tantrums, whining, complaining, or crying or attempting to navigate down an aisle without kids having relay races down the center of the aisle and knocking over everything on the shelves. And the bloody crying! Why don’t they have muzzles for children?
  • Laying out by the pool: Yes, I realize since I am in my 30’s I should own my own house and not have to worry about apartment living, but I LIKE living in an apartment. Something breaks, they fix it. I don’t like the kids that insist on taking over every pool. I know that I will be splashed while laying out next to the pool. I did not realize that those kids’ main goal in life is to splash as close as they can to where I am sitting. Now, if they want to cannon ball into the pool, by all means, do it. Just not next to me. Go do it by your parents. Oh wait, I forgot, your parents don’t want you anywhere near them and have yelled, “go play somewhere else!” Well thank you parents, I now have to deal with your brats.
  • Driving: I am a cautious driver, despite what others may say. If I see a ball rolling into the street, I will slow down to a complete stop because I know there is some child chasing that ball and will forget to look because they are determined to save said ball. And I can respect that child’s determination on saving a toy. However, those kids who stay in the middle of the street and don’t move out of my way, I have a problem with. Um, you guys are KIDS. You are supposed to move out of CARS’ way. One day a car will run you over and then you will go crying to your stuck up parents who will get mad at the cars, when in all actuality, YOU KIDS are the morons in this equation.

I have this problem with the kids who live on my parents street. They have staring contests with me as I drive down the street at .5 mph because they are the ones who will most likely jump in front of my car to get hit. Come to find out, if I come to a complete stop, roll down my window and scream at them, “Get out of my god damned way!” they do get out of my way, but make sure to stare me down and let me know, they are the boss of the street. Last time I did not slow down and scared the crap out of them. That was my own victory and I loved every second of it.

So, in conclusion, I don’t think that I should be subjected to other people’s brats when I chose to not have any of my own. And for all of us non-child owners, I do believe society should stop bowing down to kids and declare certain days where kids are not allowed to be in stores. Just one day a week so all of us other people can shop in peace. Apartments should have a “kids only” pool and the adults can have their own. I think there would be way less stress and for the most part, us people who chose not to have children clinging to us at all times, would be much happier. Well, I would enjoy my grocery shopping and laying out by the pool more anyway.


Disclaimer: This does not apply to my friends with kids or children with disabilities.


5 thoughts on “Children are the Devil. Oops, I mean, kids are….

  1. YES! Thank you. I would like to add I have a major issue with laundry mats. It clearly says in most of them not to run around or sit on machines, yet parents let their kids treat the place like a goddamn playground.

    1. Jamie – I don’t actually have experience with laundry mats, but I would guess it would be the same as a doctors office. I think all kids should be on leashes if they have the tendency to run around.

      1. Or at the very least told not to! When I see parents just ignoring it, or worse yet, THINKING IT’S CUTE when they get in your way or knock over your stuff… grrrrrrr fitzgibitz$&#@Yow*&!

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